Really hard/weird day ... I feel like Brian is pulling away from me in some ways.  I can't really put my finger on it .. he says he's super busy at work ... really didn't text all that much ... well, we did, but not like usual.  We chatted on the phone a lot, as normal .. he called every day .. thursday I went out with denise and he called twice, texted twice and sent a few pix while i was out with her... friday was sadie's party ... he called as normal and we had a great talk ... really falling for him.  then we were able to chat last night online... said he missed me but we talk every day... i have the chat record on f/b... fast forward to today and he was very busy at work ... yes, we chatted and all was fine, but on the way home, he called me.  we usually talk for 20 min but today was only about 5.  and he got off the phone SUPER quick. was it because someone was there?  idk... but then I texted him to have a nice day and said text if you can ... he wrote back "will do".  that's it.  i texted him in the afternoon asking if he got to the hot-dog place he was going to and he said yes, unimpressed -- 5 hours later. 

idk why i'm so paranoid.  idk why this matters so much.  he's there and i'm here.  he's invovled and i'm married.  I feel lost and hopeless and i am so afraid this is going to end.  but it hasn't really even begun, to be honest.  i just love him so much... i feel very uneasy though.

i was able to spend the better part of the day with dee... then had dinner out with kara.  had a lovely time.  they both feel that he's' becomming the center of my attention and focus and that i need to back off a little.  but i'm so afraid if i back off, it will be over.

i never, or rarely, hear from him on saturday and sunday.  he's a busy guy with family obligations on weekends, i get it.  i get that i'm in a different situation right now and might be needing more than i can get.

we were able to get back to a little dirty in texting this week, which was nice.  i like that...  i hope we continue on wiht this..

it would be a shame to have it go away... please GOD don't let this be the end and just make it be me being crazy.