Okay... so that was a complete whirlwind time ... I still can't believe he said he loved me. We had such a wonderful day -- nothing was established except he can't figure out a way out with what he has... we haven't talked about that since but we've revisited it a little - i guess you could say.

I've never really had someone just tell me they love me ... it's always just been the natural progression of how relationships have gone... not really SAID just assumed... this was actually said to me and meant more to me than anything... however, it's also made me incredibly insecure... i mean, what the fuck is going to happen with it? where are we gonna go with it???

we were texting today ... having sex by text. It was great. ... and fun... pictures sent/exchanged.

yesterday i asked him if he knew how much i was gonna miss him and he said, "so I'm not alone...". i just love him so...

I need to chill and just let this unfold how it's going to. I'm so not good about this ... I obsess.

Today:

Were you worried I wasn't going to say ILY back... he said, Nope, counted on it. I said, Oh, confident! He said, Nope, i just knew you did. And that he was a good reader. Then we decided to talk about what we would do if we could do... kinda a justification... and had a lovely story about that and being on the boat...

He called today and I asked him if he was happy I was going to be there in 24 days and he said Yes, I guess. So I said, you guess? and he said that it was like I was there anyways because we are so in eachothers lives. true. he said he sometimes goes 20 days without seeing friends ... true. and friends are what we are first and foremost.

I told him I'd likely be having a going away party and he asked if I wanted him to come and I was like "yeah, but how"... it's be great but it's a dream... it'd be awesome if he could drive back to NC with me. Another dream...

I need to just chill the fuck out. We are never going to know what's in store for us until I get there. I don't want any fizzling out at all. I want him in my life permanently. Okay, so he is... blah blah blah. I get it... but I want to wake up to him every day... and thank GOD for him. Every day.

That's it for now...