omg... i don't even know where to begin.. had a massive fight with my aunt today ... she is writing me out of her will, life and everything. all because of moving. this is the most fucked up thing i've ever gone through. i'm bettering my life and my family and i get met with this shit. i just can't take it.

it makes me manifest horrible thoughts and feelings into everything... brian included. i just can't accept the fact that he loves me. period. everything seems to be a problem right now since he said it. and i said it back. i feel like i'm picking everything apart .. just not riding out the feeling..

he couldn't text much today and here i am reading into it too much. why do i do this. why am i this insecure? i don't understand at all... the guy calls me every single day ... every day and we have such great conversations. we talk about everything... he's kind and caring. but here i am reading too much into it. and again, i don't know why.

i wish there wasn't this mountain in front of us. i wish it were easy to be together but it isn't. and i don't know if it ever will be. ever.

my kid needs me and i can't focus. my husband needs me and i can't focus. my aunt hates me. i just want to curl up in a ball and forget life. period.