well it's done

he chose to tell me he and the fiance set a wedding date through text last thursday.  I couldn't breath i was so hurt.  he knew for 17 days and didn't tell me and chose to tell me by text.

coming back from the cruise everythign seemed fine with us -- back to the way it was with pix and texts and all.. wanted to meet up the very week he was back. when we couldn't i said i was disappointed and he sent a full-body pic to make up for it... shit like that.

and he fucking knew.  the whole time.  then he tried the week after.  and he knew the whole fucking time.

crushed.  we've talked sporadically since. not by phone.  life goes on i guess.

i've learned he was a drug to me and talking/texting was my fix .. same for him.  he's been completely distant.  joked a couple of times but distant now.  why would i even want to communicate with someone furtehr who clearly has that little respect for me... a text?

he admitted to being a pussy and didn't want to hurt me.  but i am. not because of what he said but how he said it... text.  wtf.

i thought he was forever for me -- i thought he'd be in my lfie forever.  but not to be.

he hasn't texted at all today.  and that's okay. nothing i can do about it. but i won't ever text again.

I NEED TO HEAL.

i swear i thought he was forever.

Hmmmm

So literally yesterday after texting all day I get a text from him saying he may have time tomorrow night to meet up...  unfortunatly we couldn't but -- how did that vacation go?  You wouldn't be meeting up with me, right?

Also his first day back, called at 2:35 and we talked the entire time.

I'd say he missed me...

I love him so.

barely breathing...

but going to make it -- we've texted a little since he got back today -- he's busy, I get it.

I missed him a lot but he says he was so busy the entire time he had no time to miss anything or anyone... honestly.  a bit snarky but point taken.

IDK -- I love him but I don't know if our time is now.  I know it isn't.  He better not fucking marry her.  I'll die.

I'll keep you posted...

Computer is dead