7

Just sad today. That is all.

Feelign insecure. Still.

Please don't make this end.  Or have this over.  OMG...  Why am I being so insecure...??

I have to have him in my life.  That psychic has to be right.

He's having the time of his life and I'm just devastated here.  Lonely and sad.

Day's 5 and 6

I feel like a sinking ship... there was one check in yesterday in St. Thomas.  He was with her and 2 other girls.. probably others too, but.  Still...  I was actually a little hopeful if he would text but nadda.

Reception is horrible there -- I get it.

So trying to keep all the negative shit outa my head... but seriously what am I gonna do if he doesn't ever want to talk to me again or keep this, whatever it is, going.

I will be devastated.  Plain and simple.

Day 4

Yup, collectively it sucked...  my phone was SOOO quiet today.  Missed my a.m. texting... missed pix.

*sigh

I hope he's having a good time -- but I hope he's missing me.  I wish he could have just admitted it.  Was he being funny/snarky or was he really not going to miss me, I wonder.

I love this guy and I hope he loves me too... We just have to end up together.  I feel like my left arm is cut off.

Day 3

This is FUCKING endless.  I'm not gonna lie.  7 days left 'til he's back in the same state as me ... 8 'til we talk again...

I go back/forth with the worrying/wondering if things will change between us since we've had no contact for 10 days.  I hate that insecurity.  He's having a blast and likely thinking nothing about me.  At all.  Why should I make this my obsession.  There will be nothing I can do one way or the other anyhow...

Off to the mountains with my girl... more later.

Seriously this is fucked up -- I was drawn to the psychic/clarity reader today at this bhuddist shop ... well, she did a reading on me and actually said mostly everything about b that is true ... not much that I didn't know.. but weird and eerie that I hear it from a stranger.  She said he is my soulmate and I have to agree. I'm weirded out by it but intrigued just the same.

Had a great day with Bella - we got another thing for the deck -- love it... it dangles and has bells.

I do hope he is thinking of me.  I miss him...

And, onto Day #4.  Would love to hear from him.

Day 2

*sigh ... that is all.  It's his birthday and I found a couple of cute posts to put on my f/b page, hoping he would check them.  I have no idea if he did or not, but he was online thanking everyone for the b/d wishes and that he'd check back in on Thursday.  I'm lost.  Just lost...

I'm hopeful that the post was to me or directed to me -- I think it might have been? 

This is going to be the longest fucking week ever.

I feel like it's been forever... and it's only day #2.

What am I gonna do if when he comes home, he wants nothing to do with me anymore other than friends.  I will just die.

Only 3 pix posted yesterday by her -- none with them together -- just him walking with his friend and 2 of him in the pool alone.

I can't imagine what I will do if it's done for  us.  I miss him and I hope he misses me.

Day 1

Okay, so this is probably really stupid... but it's day 1 of him being gone.  This has been a plan for a year, long before me... and he's excited to go away with 13 of his friends ... and yes, she's going.  GAH.

We've never NOT talked for more than a few days... I mean NO CONTACT AT ALL by text or phone.  This is going to be very hard for me -- doubtful for him since he'll be so busy.

This past week was good -- I did the 3 things for 3 days, well 4 the last, so a total of 10 things that I like about him -- he thought they were VERY CUTE ... also did something really funny and took a pic of it for his birthday ...  so funny.  He thought I was a nut. =) I'm thinking I went out with a thoughtful bang for sure and that makes me smile.

He's en route to FLA today -- and the forecast is RAIN RAIN RAIN.  I do hope he has good weather.  And I won't lie, I do hope he'll text me at some point but not holding out for it.  Maybe he'll get drunk and snap a pic.

Funny we rarely text on the weekends -- only really if he's working.  But this past weekend he texted me for nearly 3 hours on Sat .. def buzzed, but I didn't mind...  And we talked on the phone 3x this week, which is A LOT for us since 4th of July ... He even called when he was waiting for his friend to come out and get a ride.  Trust me when I say this was different.

I hope he doesn't forget me while being away.  It's easy not to forget something or someone when you're the one left behind.

So... hoping to post through these 10 days -- He's back on the 30th.

4.  Your laugh- I like that I can make you laugh - either with me or at me.  It doesn't matter. You sound silly and goofy and that makes me feel really good when i hear it.
5.  You're pretty smahhat-Yeah, yeah, yeah -- I admit it and you challenge my way of thinking and that's pretty good and rare.  Not many people do.
6. Your ability to drive me up a wall - it's become sport to you and you're good at it.  I act annoyed but I secretly love it ...

6.  Your eyes-You have the most beautiful green eyes that I've ever seen.  And I like the way I feel when you are looking at me. 
8. The obvious- yes I had to go there.  Your cock is amazing and soft and delicious and I like to look at it daily - I'd like to touch it daily ... your lips - yep, you're a good kisser and I like it when we do. your hands feel amazing when they are on me.
9. Your middle name -  you lost that about a day or two into this whole thing. I had no idea that 25 years later you'd be so important to me... and the fact that you knew this, is pretty damned cocky or amazing, depending on the day.
10.  Favorite person - you have quickly become it.  I look forward to talking with you, by text or voice, daily.  You brighten my day/world.  Knowing this makes me feel really good and happy and you are incredibly special to me.