that nothing is changing. nothing has changed except maybe my way of looking at things. It's funny because the last time we met up in August, I didn't feel icky about it because for some reason the whole thing seemed like a genuine possibility. But now, since I know the truth that it will never be, if we ever met up, it'd be just sleazy. He says he doesnt want to because it'd be very hard to see me. part of me believes that but i'm beginning to think it's shit.
he was such a different person way back... sweet, caring, loving.. thoughtful. now, sure he still thinks of me but not like before... there are no weekend texts, no more than 1 call a week... i always have to text him first. the responses have been slower.
yet with knowing all of this, i still text and can't wait to talk.
such lack of self respect...
i need to walk away. i've told myself this plenty of times... that if he wanted me in his life i'd be there.
he probably wouldn't even notice.
but this is just not fun anymore. it's not my goal in life to make his day good or him smile when it truly does nothing for me anymore.
i loved him ... i did. but who he is now, is not for me.
